What to Do First When Planning a Wedding: A Complete Guide

Planning a wedding can feel like diving headfirst into a whirlwind of decisions, emotions, and to-do lists. Trust me, I’ve been there! When my partner popped the question, I was over the moon.

But that initial excitement quickly gave way to a mix of anticipation and anxiety. Where do you even start with such a monumental task?

Don’t worry, fellow brides and grooms-to-be. I’ve navigated these choppy waters and come out the other side with a ring on my finger and a smile on my face. 

In this guide, I’ll walk you through those crucial first steps, sharing personal insights, expert tips, and a few hard-earned lessons along the way.

What to Do First When Planning a Wedding?

1. Celebrate your engagement
2. Set a budget (and stick to it)
3. Discuss your vision as a couple
4. Choose a date (or at least a season)
5. Create a guest list draft
6. Research and visit potential venues
7. Decide on wedding party members
8. Start a wedding folder or binder
9. Consider hiring a wedding planner
10. Begin researching vendors

Let’s dive into each of these steps, shall we?

1. Celebrate Your Engagement

Before you dive into the nitty-gritty of planning, take a moment to bask in the glow of your engagement. This is a special time that you’ll never get back, so savor it!

When my partner proposed, we spent a whole weekend just reveling in our new status. We popped champagne, called our loved ones, and daydreamed about our future together. 

It was magical, and it gave us the energy boost we needed to tackle the planning process.

Ideas for celebrating your engagement:

• Host an impromptu gathering with close friends and family
• Plan a romantic getaway for just the two of you
• Take engagement photos to capture this special moment
• Create a scrapbook or memory box of your proposal story

Remember, there’s no rush to jump into planning mode immediately. Give yourselves time to enjoy this milestone before diving into the details.

2. Set a Budget (and Stick to It)

Ah, the dreaded B-word. But trust me, setting a realistic budget early on will save you countless headaches down the road. 

When we first started planning, I had visions of a fairytale wedding with all the bells and whistles. Reality check: those bells and whistles add up fast!

Sit down with your partner and any family members who might be contributing financially. Have an honest conversation about what you can afford and what your priorities are. 

This might not be the most romantic part of wedding planning, but it’s crucial.

Sample Wedding Budget Breakdown:

Remember, these percentages are just guidelines. Your budget might look different based on your priorities and local costs. 

We ended up allocating more to our photography and less to flowers, because having amazing photos to look back on was super important to us.

Pro tip: Add a 10% buffer to your budget for unexpected expenses. Trust me, they’ll crop up!

3. Discuss Your Vision as a Couple

Now for the fun part! It’s time to start dreaming about your big day. Grab a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch, and start chatting about what your ideal wedding looks like.

Some questions to consider:

• Do you want a big bash or an intimate gathering?
• Are you dreaming of a local celebration or a destination wedding?
• What season appeals to you most?
• Are there any cultural or religious traditions you want to incorporate?
• What’s your overall style? (Rustic, modern, classic, bohemian, etc.)

Don’t worry if you and your partner have different visions at first. My fiancé initially wanted a huge party, while I was leaning towards something more intimate. 

We compromised by having a smaller ceremony followed by a bigger reception. It ended up being perfect for us!

Creating a Shared Vision Board:

One activity that really helped us was creating a joint vision board. We spent an evening cutting out images from magazines, printing photos from Pinterest, and arranging them on a big poster board. It was a fun, tactile way to see our ideas come together visually.

Here’s a quick breakdown of what ended up on our board:

• Color scheme swatches (we went with dusty blue and sage green)
• Photos of outdoor ceremony spaces (we knew we wanted to say “I do” under the open sky)
• Images of farm-to-table style meals (food was a big priority for us)
• Pictures of live bands (my partner’s must-have)
• Shots of creative photo booth setups (my personal request)

This exercise not only helped us align our visions but also gave us a reference point to share with vendors later on.

4. Choose a Date (or at Least a Season)

Picking a wedding date is a bigger decision than you might think. It affects everything from venue availability to floral choices to guest attendance. 

While you don’t need to nail down an exact date right away, having a general time frame in mind is helpful.

Factors to consider when choosing a date:

• Season: Each season has its own charm (and challenges). We opted for a fall wedding, drawn by the idea of colorful foliage and crisp air.
• Day of the week: Saturdays are popular but pricey. We saved a bundle by choosing a Friday evening.
• Holidays: Be mindful of major holidays and events that might conflict with your date.
• Venue availability: Popular venues book up fast, sometimes a year or more in advance.
• Personal significance: Is there a date that’s special to you as a couple?

Our Date Selection Process:

1. We knew we wanted a fall wedding, so we focused on September-November.
2. We checked with our immediate family and wedding party about any major conflicts during that time.
3. We looked at our preferred venue’s availability and pricing for different days of the week.
4. We considered the weather patterns for our area during those months.
5. Finally, we chose a date that felt right: October 15th, a Friday that happened to be the anniversary of our first date.

Remember, once you’ve settled on a date or time frame, start spreading the word to your VIP guests. You don’t need formal save-the-dates yet, but giving close family and friends a heads up helps ensure they’ll be able to attend.

5. Create a Guest List Draft

Ah, the guest list. This can be one of the trickier aspects of wedding planning, especially if you’re trying to keep numbers down. 

Start by sitting down with your partner and jotting down everyone you’d love to have at your wedding, without worrying about numbers just yet.

Our Guest List Strategy:

We used a tiered approach:

1. Must-haves: Immediate family, best friends, and anyone we couldn’t imagine not being there.
2. Want-to-haves: Extended family, close colleagues, and friends we see regularly.
3. Nice-to-haves: More distant relatives, casual acquaintances, plus-ones for single guests.

Once we had our initial list, we started trimming based on our venue capacity and budget. It wasn’t easy, but focusing on the quality of our relationships rather than obligation helped guide our decisions.

Guest List Considerations:

• Budget: Remember, each guest adds to your catering, favor, and stationery costs.
• Venue capacity: Make sure your dream venue can accommodate your guest count.
• Plus-ones: Decide on a consistent policy for giving single guests a plus-one.
• Kids: Will you welcome children, or is it an adults-only affair?
• Coworkers: If you invite one, do you need to invite them all?

Pro tip: Create a spreadsheet to track your guest list. Include columns for names, addresses, RSVPs, meal choices, and any other important info. Trust me, you’ll reference this document more times than you can count!

6. Research and Visit Potential Venues

With a rough guest count and date range in mind, it’s time to start venue hunting. This is when your wedding starts to feel real! We spent several weekends touring venues, and I have to say, it was one of my favorite parts of the planning process.

Types of Venues to Consider:

• Hotels: Great for out-of-town guests, often all-inclusive packages
• Barns: Perfect for rustic or country-chic weddings
• Vineyards: Romantic settings with built-in scenery
• Museums or historic sites: Unique backdrops for culture lovers
• Parks or gardens: Ideal for nature enthusiasts
• Restaurants: Fantastic for foodie couples
• Beach or waterfront locations: Stunning views for destination vibes

We ended up falling in love with a renovated barn that offered both indoor and outdoor spaces. It fit our vision perfectly and had that wow factor we were looking for.

Questions to Ask When Visiting Venues:

1. What’s included in the rental fee? (Tables, chairs, linens, etc.)
2. Are there any noise restrictions or curfews?
3. What’s the rain plan for outdoor spaces?
4. Is there a preferred vendor list, or can we bring in our own?
5. What’s the payment schedule and cancellation policy?
6. Is there ample parking or transportation options for guests?
7. Are there getting-ready spaces for the wedding party?
8. What’s the maximum capacity?
9. Are there any decoration restrictions?
10. Can we do a food tasting before booking?

Don’t forget to take plenty of photos and notes during your visits. After a while, venues can start to blur together!

7. Decide on Wedding Party Members

Choosing your wedding party is a big deal. These are the people who’ll stand by your side on one of the most important days of your life. Take some time to really think about who you want in these roles.

Factors to Consider:

• Reliability: Will they be there for you throughout the planning process?
• Personality: How well do they get along with others in the group?
• Budget: Can they afford the associated costs (attire, bachelor/ette parties, etc.)?
• Location: If they’re long-distance, how involved can they be?
• Balance: Try to keep the numbers even on both sides, if possible.

We decided to keep our wedding party small, with just a maid of honor and best man. It simplified things and allowed us to include other friends and family in different ways, like readings during the ceremony or toasts at the reception.

Creative Ways to Include Loved Ones:

• Ushers or greeters: Help guide guests and hand out programs
• Ceremony readers: Share a meaningful passage or poem
• Candle lighters: Participate in a unity candle or similar ritual
• Guest book attendants: Encourage guests to sign and leave messages
• Ceremony musicians: If you have musically inclined friends, invite them to perform

Remember, being in a wedding party is an honor, but it’s also a commitment. Be clear about your expectations when you ask, and be understanding if someone declines. Life happens, and it’s better to know upfront if someone can’t fulfill the role.

8. Start a Wedding Folder or Binder

Organization is key when planning a wedding. Trust me, you’ll accumulate a mountain of paperwork, inspiration, and to-do lists. Having a central place to keep everything will save your sanity.

What to Include in Your Wedding Binder:

1. Budget tracker: Keep all your expenses in one place
2. Vendor contracts and contact info: Easy access to all your agreements
3. Guest list and RSVP tracker: Update as responses come in
4. Timeline and checklist: Stay on track with planning milestones
5. Inspiration photos: Magazine clippings, printouts from Pinterest, etc.
6. Seating chart drafts: Start playing around with table arrangements
7. Ceremony and vow drafts: A place to jot down ideas as they come
8. Receipts and warranty info: Keep track of all your purchases

I’m a bit of an old-school paper lover, so I went all out with a three-ring binder, dividers, and plastic sleeves. But if you’re more digitally inclined, apps like WeddingWire or Zola offer great planning tools and organization features.

Digital vs. Physical Organization:

Whichever method you choose, the key is to use it consistently. Make updating your wedding folder a regular part of your planning routine.

9. Consider Hiring a Wedding Planner

I’ll be honest, I was on the fence about hiring a wedding planner at first. I thought, “How hard can it be to plan a party?” Spoiler alert: it can be pretty darn challenging! While it’s definitely possible to plan a wedding on your own, a good planner can be worth their weight in gold.

Types of Wedding Planning Services:

1. Full-service planning: They handle everything from start to finish
2. Partial planning: You do most of the work, they step in for the last few months
3. Day-of coordination: They ensure everything runs smoothly on the big day
4. A la carte services: Help with specific tasks like vendor referrals or budget management

We ended up going with a day-of coordinator, and it was one of the best decisions we made. She took care of all the last-minute details and timeline coordination, allowing us to relax and enjoy our day.

Pros and Cons of Hiring a Wedding Planner:

Pros:

• Access to vendor connections and potential discounts
• Stress reduction and time-saving
• Experienced in problem-solving and crisis management
• Can bring fresh, creative ideas to the table
• Keeps you on track with deadlines and budget

Cons:

• Additional cost to your budget
• Potential for personality clashes
• May feel like you’re losing control of the planning process
• Could be overkill for very small or simple weddings

If you do decide to hire a planner, do your research. Read reviews, ask for referrals, and meet with a few before making your decision. Your planner will be your right-hand person throughout this process, so it’s important that you click!

10. Begin Researching Vendors

With your date, venue, and budget in place, it’s time to start thinking about the other professionals who’ll bring your wedding to life. This includes photographers, videographers, florists, musicians or DJs, cake bakers, and more.

Our Vendor Research Process:

1. We made a list of all the vendors we needed, prioritizing based on importance and typical booking timelines.
2. For each category, we looked at online portfolios, read reviews, and asked for recommendations from friends and our venue.
3. We created a shortlist of 3-5 options for each vendor type.
4. We reached out to our top choices to check availability and pricing.
5. For key vendors (like our photographer), we set up in-person meetings to ensure we clicked personality-wise.

Tips for Vendor Selection:

• Start early: Popular vendors book up fast, especially for peak wedding season.
• Ask lots of questions: Don’t be shy about getting all the info you need to make an informed decision.
• Get everything in writing: Make sure all agreements are clearly outlined in a contract.
• Trust your gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t be afraid to keep looking.
• Consider package deals: Some vendors offer discounts if you book multiple services with them.

Remember, these are the professionals who will help bring your vision to life. Take your time in selecting them, and don’t settle for someone you’re not 100% excited about.

Final Thoughts

Whew! We’ve covered a lot of ground, haven’t we? Planning a wedding is no small feat, but breaking it down into these initial steps makes it feel a lot more manageable. 

Remember, this is just the beginning of your wedding planning journey. There will be many more decisions to make, details to iron out, and moments to cherish along the way.

As you move forward, keep these key points in mind:

1. Communicate openly with your partner throughout the process. This is a team effort!
2. Stay true to yourselves. It’s easy to get caught up in trends or others’ expectations, but this day is about celebrating your love.
3. Be flexible. Things might not always go according to plan, but often those unexpected twists lead to the most memorable moments.
4. Take breaks from wedding planning. It’s important to nurture your relationship outside of this event.
5. Remember the big picture. At the end of the day, you’re marrying the love of your life. Everything else is just icing on the cake.
6. Remember the big picture. At the end of the day, you’re marrying the love of your life. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

As someone who’s been through this whirlwind, I can tell you that it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. There’ll be moments of stress, sure, but also moments of pure joy and excitement. Cherish those high points – they’re what make this journey so special.

Practical Next Steps

Now that we’ve covered the initial planning stages, you might be wondering, “What’s next?” Here’s a quick rundown of some practical steps to take in the coming weeks:

1. Start a wedding email account: Trust me, your regular inbox will thank you. We created a joint email just for wedding stuff, and it was a lifesaver for keeping track of vendor communications and RSVPs.
2. Set up a wedding website: This is a great way to share details with guests and cut down on question-fielding. We used Zola, but there are tons of options out there.
3. Begin your health and beauty regimen: If you’re planning any fitness goals or beauty treatments for the big day, now’s the time to start. I began a skincare routine about 6 months out, and I’m glad I gave my skin time to adjust.
4. Shop for wedding attire: This process can take longer than you might expect, especially if you’re going the custom route. Start browsing styles and making appointments.
5. Discuss premarital counseling: Whether through a religious institution or a secular therapist, many couples find this helpful for starting married life on the right foot.
6. Look into marriage license requirements: Every state has different rules, so make sure you know what you need and when to apply.
7. Start thinking about honeymoon options: Even if you’re not planning to depart right after the wedding, it’s fun to daydream about your first trip as newlyweds.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

As we wrap up, I want to share a few pitfalls that I either encountered myself or saw friends struggle with. Knowing these in advance might help you navigate around them:

1. Neglecting your budget: It’s easy to get carried away with “little” expenses that add up quickly. We used a budgeting app to track every penny, which helped us stay on target.
2. Forgetting to enjoy the process: Don’t get so caught up in the details that you forget to have fun! Some of my favorite memories are of cake tastings and silly moments during dance lessons.
3. Trying to please everyone: It’s impossible to make every single guest happy. Focus on what matters to you and your partner.
4. Procrastinating on important tasks: Some things, like booking popular vendors, need to be done early. We almost lost out on our dream photographer by waiting too long.
5. Neglecting your relationship: Wedding planning can take over your life if you let it. Make sure to schedule regular date nights that don’t involve any wedding talk.
6. Comparison trap: Every wedding is unique. Don’t get caught up in comparing your plans to others’ weddings or Instagram-perfect images.
7. Forgetting about marriage prep: Remember, the wedding is just one day. Spend time preparing for your marriage, not just the event.

A Personal Note

Looking back on my own wedding journey, I’m filled with a mix of nostalgia and relief. It was a whirlwind of decisions, DIY projects, and moments of both stress and pure joy. But you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing.

Our wedding day wasn’t perfect – the flower girl had a meltdown right before the ceremony, and my veil caught on a bush during photos. But those “imperfections” are now some of our favorite stories to tell.

What I remember most isn’t the color of the napkins or the exact playlist the DJ used. It’s the feeling of walking down the aisle towards my partner, surrounded by the people we love most in the world. 

It’s the tears in my dad’s eyes as he gave his toast, and the way my new spouse and I couldn’t stop grinning at each other all night.

So as you embark on this crazy, beautiful journey of planning your wedding, remember to step back occasionally and soak it all in. 

Take mental snapshots of the sweet moments – the way your partner’s eyes light up when you find the perfect venue, or the laughter shared with your wedding party during a planning session.

This time is special, and it goes by in a flash. Enjoy the ride, embrace the chaos, and most importantly, celebrate your love story. After all, that’s what this is all about.

Wishing you all the best as you begin this exciting chapter. Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after!